Sample discussion

First problem with the unedited sample is it starts in the wrong place. I understand why. I’m in love the characters who’ve taken on life in my head . I’m anxious to share them with you and blurt out lots of irrelevant or misplaced details so you’ll love them and understand them the way I do. SAdly this fails miserably and the readers suffer from acute boredom.

Two paragraphs later Betsy is already remembering the past. She has still not uttered one word about her current problem. In fact, (cough cough) it’s chapters before her current troubles are explored. This story was written with no notion of craft or conventions. My sole qualification for writing was that I loved to read.

After reminiscing about Grandma our heroine recalls her first meeting the disturbing Edward. All of this is well and good, but I’m sure the poor reader is saying who cares? If she hasn't sat the book down in favor of sorting socks and emptying the lint trap.

For the determined, and glassy eyed, who've stay the course eventually we get to Edward’s view. A sentence past the first of the hero's paragraphs the POV slips into that of an omnipotent being. My only excuse for this was wanting to describe the dashing hero and being too ignorant to go back and do it right.

Thankfully, moving on to the edited version – our couple has undergone name changes all around. Betsy is now Bella and Edward had morphed into Eric. Along with her new identity Betsy has gained a sense of purpose. Her troubling problem gets the front line treatment it deserves. Backstory details are dispensed with except for those needed to understand current action and reaction. Eric has become more respectful and has the good sense to hint at his own problems.

The omnipotent being has been deservedly deleted.

Warning: for those who sold the first novel they penned and were born natural flawless writers, don’t bother commenting. I’m only interested in commiseration from fellow sufferers.